33 Laws of OH GOD WHY

Ah, projects galore! I gotta do a thing and a thing and then another thing. It’s exhausting. And I have to practice not making a mockery out of typography by not double spacing between words? That’s going to be a tough habit to break.

In my “keyboarding” class in high school (wasn’t “typing,” no, it was “keyboarding…” wasn’t aware that “keyboard” was a verb…) we got points taken off if we didn’t hit the space bar twice between sentences. In fact, we could fail entire assignments by not doing so. That’s how old I am I guess. The class was taught by a computer. Our teacher never showed up and if she did, she didn’t care. Then she got fired because she never showed up and I had to do an entire semester’s work in about two months when another teacher was instated. Because honestly, I’ll tell you. I was one of the ones who was like, “The teacher doesn’t care? I don’t care either!” So I played Free Cell all during that class period. Which was impressive because none of the computers had a mouse.

And that time I “skipped class.” I didn’t. The teacher took roll call by having us pass around a paper and write our name on it. The preppies (as I called them back then) decided it would be funny to screw over the resident goth girl by not giving me the paper, so yeah… that took a lot of hassle to fix. I was sitting closer to the teacher than everyone else and she didn’t recognize me. Because she never showed up. That was actually part of the reason she got fired! She almost screwed over the record of a student by not properly doing her job. I even got grounded for that, even though I was totally there… My mom didn’t even apologize to me when the school called her to say it’d been a mistake… anyway.


I mean I was good; my mom had given me a copy of Mavis Beacon’s typing software a few years before and I’d learned from that. Yet another testament to my age, haha! It was just a matter of learning to type the wrong way and then it got drilled into my head, became habit, you know, and now over a decade later, I need to break that particular habit.

But anyway, yeah. Hitting the space bar twice in between sentences is an archaic thing apparently, coming from the days of typewriters. If I recall correctly (and my brain is mush cause I’m sick with sinus junk, so cut me some slack…) it was because the letters and the spaces and everything takes up, on a typewriter, the exact same amount of space as everything else. Basically every character including space had the same width. So we needed a way to distinguish one thought (or sentence) from the next. Hence double spacing.

So there are apparently 33 laws of typography. I know because I just watched them for nearly three hours on Lynda.com. It’s not as bad as I make it sound. It was actually pretty helpful and I was able to see some areas I’d made mistakes in the pre-production of my big project. Well, at least I did know at some point. I just took sinus meds and now my brain is doing Irish jigs while it’s jumping out of a plane without a parachute.

Another thing that was drilled into our heads was to let the subject matter and tone speak for the typefaces we’re going to use. So I think I’m going to have to change one of mine. My project is an event poster for the Texas Jazz Festival, held every year in October here in Corpus Christi. I’ve been a few times. It’s always a good time. It’s mostly old Latino guys and their families there. Not many young people to be seen.

According to an infographic I saw, most of the people who are more, say, knowledgeable about Jazz are younger guys. So why not get some younger Latino dudes interested? That’s my target audience. We’re taught not to say our target audience is “everyone.” While the Fest is free entry and family friendly, you’re not going to advertise the Texas craft beer they have there to, say, expectant mothers, or teenagers. So “everyone” doesn’t necessarily work, you know? Maybe your grandma can drink you under the table though — I don’t judge you or your grandma.


Oh look, an em dash! I learned how to use em dashes, en dashes, and hyphens and no, a double hyphen is not an em dash! When I write on my role play sites, I just stick two hyphens in there as an em dash. That is wrong! Oops. Now in some sites, it does elongate the dash, so it’s a little more forgiving. I wonder if BBCode takes into account formatting, say, in Microsoft Word. You know? I’ve never tried it! Not that I have a hell of a lot of time to write on my role play sites anyway. Leslie got archived and Ace is like… still celebrating thanksgiving with his fellow Gaysian. Lux and Marlene are probably lying in a ditch somewhere in my brain.

So that’s me trying to sort out my thoughts, and it’s not working. Too much Advil Cold and Sinus. OH! InDesign. Oy vey. People tell me “Master pages are your friend,” and yes, they are, but when you’re making a poster of one page… I don’t see how that works. That and master pages have messed me up before if I wanted to say, change the wording of a page I just stuck in as a new page. I did figure out a way around that though!


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